Charming in Gray and Silver

When I started this blog 4 years ago, all I ever wanted was to put my emotions into photographs and words. The “inspiring” others part was, in all honesty, never my intention. Until years later, I started receiving positive feedback from others. Perhaps this is one of the most rewarding part of being a blogger, you unconsciously inspire others even in the littlest way you possibly could. And I am very glad and grateful that people, like you, actually see that in me.

Like every other bloggers out there, some also served and serves as an inspiration to me. I actually have a long list of bookmarked blogs I visit once in a while. And I wouldn’t be ashamed to admit this, because they all have been a significant part of my life in discovering and learning things, too. 

I’m glad to know that you learn from me as well. But I, too, have so much to improve in my writing skills. There are times when I proofread my post (after few days I published it) and notice mistakes. We certainly can’t be perfect all the time, but I suggest we should never be afraid to make these mistakes.

There were times I thought of deleting this blog and move somewhere else, somewhere more private, and start a clean slate; but, I realized that this platform has served as my little training ground. Here I can see how much I have developed over the years, and how much people’s lives I have touched. And Heartfelt messages like this serve as my fuel to continue blogging here, writing, and taking photographs amidst the gap between my future profession and passion. 

I honestly don’t like publishing messages because I want things like this to be kept private. (I hope you don’t mind me posting this) But I just want you to know, and other readers of this blog, that I am very grateful for your kind words. :)

The first ever and the largest annual music festival in the Philippines, Wanderland, happened last May 18, 2013 in Globe Circuit Makati, made possible by Karpos Multmedia. Performances from local indie bands: Taken by Cars, Pulso, She’s Only Sixteen (personal favorite from all the local performances), Yolanda Moon, and Up Dharma Down; and eargasmic foreign bands: Tully On Tully, Colour Coding, Avalanche City, Nada Surf, Neon Trees (the wildest of all, the crown went extreme to their numbers), and the band that gave me so much feels, Temper Trap.

This is probably one of the best I’ve been to, and I definitely won’t miss Wanderland 2014!

Photos taken using point and shoot.

Few weeks ago, while it was smelling of summer adventures, I chose to just sit on the balcony of my grandma’s house near the beach, with a Joseph O’Connor book in hand. There are just days that one needs to take a serious pause and look back on things, and I feel lucky I had a chance to do it.

Recent events in life have taught me I’m missing out a lot of things around me. Things that have been there for a very long time but I never noticed it or, perhaps, I intended not to notice it. Simple things that one might say it’s silly for me to count it, but for some reasons that sometimes I cannot fathom, actually matters to me now. Like how I often forget to kiss my mom everyday, forgive my dad for his annoying perspective of life, spend time and get to know my cousins more, hang out with more humble crowd and friends, try things I once thought was cheap, but was actually fun and okay, and most especially to be selfless in my most special day. 

Remember about me telling you that turning twenty might feel exactly like taking a blind fold off? Well, I guess, it really happened to me.

I remember a conversation with a friend few days ago, she once told me that it’s certainly fine to be perfectly flawed and wrong because that makes me a person, a real one. I’ve been thinking about it couple of days before my birthday and I realized I wasn’t applying it in my life. Really. After twenty years, I just learned that I should stop trying to prove myself to others. I know it’s easier said than done, but I’m trying my best in the process. It feels awful to realize I was doing some things in my life only to prove my own worth, and doing some things because it’s what I need to be and what others has to see in me. I’m still happy, tho, that it’s never too late to recognize this.

I also remember on my birthday last week, I was whining (not really but I was complaining and he said I was whining) to my friend that it doesn’t feel like my birthday. For the past years, I got used to receiving a lot of calls, greetings, and surprises. I guess being away from home for the first time (not to mention the long hiatus in the interwebs) and having your birthday fall on the same day as the election would really make some friends forget your special day. (cue sad piano instrumental) I can’t blame them. Even the people around me were tied-up with election and monitoring number of votes. I guess, sometimes, you just have to give up your hopes and own happiness for others - even in your most special day, because after all, the entire solar system doesn’t revolve around you. I’m grateful, still, because my closest friends and some good friends didn’t forget, and that my uncle won the election.

Almost a month of being away from home certainly helped me in so many ways, and I’m also happy, that unexpectedly, I found a new set of friends I know I’ll be keeping in touch with for more years to come - or, possibly, forever. I can’t say I have taken the blind fold off entirely, but, in the process I’m learning a lot, and I think that’s the most important thing.

Not so long ago, a friend (apparently, who’s relatively older and not revealing their identity) told me that the whole world changes when you turn twenty. I also read in one magazine that Bill Gates dropped out of school in his 20s and started Microsoft. I know it’s kinda irrelevant, but the thoughts of turning twenty are making me cringe and excited at the same time. I can’t even begin to fathom how could that be. Not that I’m also planning to drop out of school and be a billionaire like Bill Gates (but who wouldn’t want to be a billionaire like Bill Gates?), but I see the little sense there - that when you turn twenty, everything changes. Perhaps it feels exactly like taking a blind-fold off, things start to feel more real and clearer after twenty years.

But the point is I haven’t turned twenty yet; perhaps I’ll figure that one out when I wake up on my birthday. I honestly intend to make this blog about my dilemmas, for the lack of a better term, on turning twenty, but I feel like I’m going to regret revealing all these in the end. 

On the other positive note, I’m leaving MNL on the 23rd of April until (probably) May 15 or 16. I am that excited at the thought of leaving that I started packing my stuff yesterday. What excites me more is that I’m travelling alone! I know it’s strange and scary but I really enjoy it more, sometimes, when I’m alone. I’ll be away on my birthday (my birthday is on May 13, in case you didn’t know and it’s election day. Also, in case you didn’t know, my shoe size is 8 and a half)

I’m not really sure if I’ll be able to access internet every day in my stay until May. But it’s okay. I think it’s a healthy turning-twenty start for me to be away from my comfort zone for a little while. And I’d like to think that this vacation is a great time for me to renew myself, since, apparently, I messed up in most aspect of my life. (cue sad piano instrumental) I hope you don’t stop sending me greetings, though. I can’t promise to read it and to reply on my birthday, but I’ll try my best to get back on you, friends. I like receiving letters and greetings, by the way. :D

I hope you enjoy your summer!

Because I hate starting something and not finishing it, here are some photos to make up for twelve weeks of not updating. Photos are from Leven and my ipad (some were posted in my instagram). I seriously miss my camera and I also miss taking photos in film! I need to start taking photos more.

Do I really want this?

It’s half past four in the morning when I woke up to my mom’s voice asking me get up from bed and start preparing for the big thing of the day. It actually feels better, sometimes, that a person wakes you up, rather than a nettlesome, inanimate device repeating itself until it exhausts you from pressing the snooze button. (Truth is that I set my alarm at around 4:50am, probably my mom was just too excited for me). I sat on the corner of my bed for about 10 minutes, eyes closed, trying to prompt myself that all I need is a good, cold shower in a sweltering Sunday summer morning, and everything else that will follow will be okay. Ever since the summer vacation started, which apparently is the first ever summer vacation in my entire University life (that I won’t get tired of mentioning because I feel good about it), waking up half past four in the morning is like dragging yourself out in your most comfortable slumber in grave.

I remember how I usually travel on mundane schooldays, with the sun, supposedly giving out Vitamin D but totally is just about to have your skin burned, that I take catnaps on long drives, hoping I could regain more energy following a night of pointless time in front of a laptop. This time, I was wide awake and seem to be in a deep euphoric state, thinking that this is it, another gratifying baby step.

But do I really want this?

I was nearing the tall, gray walls of my University when something unnerving echoed in my head. This, that I’m about to immerse myself into, would cause a great fortune to myself and to my family. Another four, five, six, whatever years of studying - that goes together with four, five, six, whatever years of disbursing a lot of cash for schooling. As a matter of fact, the long, ostensibly endless years of taking Medicine don’t bother me. It’s my parents sweat and blood that I don’t want to go to waste.

Every time I talk to my parents about how much I want to pursue medicine, I see my excitement reflecting in their eyes. I also see uncertainty and fright. I understand and acknowledge all these while deciding on where I should steer my wheel, and up until now, while I’m still on the driver’s seat, driving in the safe lane.

A friend of mine told me that money should be last in the list that I should be worrying about, for I can have support coming from my siblings and from my other relatives. Partly, I think he was right. But society tells me that money is very necessary, and with my situation, should never come last in the list. I think my friend doesn’t understand how it is like to be hard up. Coming from an ordinary family, you have to start everything in a blank canvass, a scratch. And it’s never easy for me to stand-aside and witness them struggle to make ends meet.

Do I really want this?

The exam, in a nutshell, took almost 7 long, soporific hours, and helped me determine how taking that road will be so tough. I realized how unfair for my premed course the exam was and I realized how much time I’ve wasted over nights of watching films and sleeping during the days. I have no one else to blame for this but myself, still I’m crossing my fingers for answered prayers.

In that seven hours, I prayed to Father, to grant me wisdom and serenity, with all things happening in my life right now, that two I think were I need the most. I’m very grateful that He responded by erasing my doubts and fear, He granted me the peace of mind I needed. Right after the exam, I came across a bible verse sent by a friend over sms. It says: Philippians 4:13  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

Now the question echoing in my head has been answered.

Yes, I want this. And with Him, my family and I will get through this.

My guilt for abandoning my blog again for the nth time and breaking my own rules is just overflowing right now.

Although I often tell myself to at least give time for writing, because writing has been something that makes me feel good above everything else, other things have to be put on top priority. I envy those who seem to have all their time in world to do any thing they want and love because, unlike me, I’m always left with only two choices in life; it’s either I do what I want and and do less on things I have to do, or I do what I need and miss out on things that I want.

Oftentimes in life we’re always left with two choices, and it’s always up to us if we make the smart decision or make the different one. Different one because I was once told that there are no wrong decisions in life, only decisions that will lead you to a different path. What has been perhaps a great academic year-ender lesson for me is that, either of the two choices you decide in life, I should never regret what I choose. Because between the two, comes making you happy and making you wiser.

—-

PS.

Apparently, my junior year in college has ended and I can safely say that it has been the most (seriously!!!) stressful (to the point of breaking down and going insane - thank heavens I’m still normal) yet the most rewarding phase of my student life! I learned more about college and, generally, in life that I am very proud to share. 

I can’t believe in a year, I’ll be doing my exit too in the Arch of Centuries in my University and receiving my diploma. (+ hopefully med school next year) But before everything else, I have to make the most of my first legit summer vacation in my entire college life! Hoping I could take more pictures and write more often!

Also, I just recently started updating again my instagram after a year. Follow me http://instagram.com/agmolina for more vain and bored photos.

Happy, steamy summer, everyone! ☀

On our way home from San Miguel Corporation, my mates decided to drop by and have lunch at Mom & Tina’s Bakery Cafe at E. Rod, Pasig. I heard about it long ago from a friend but never tried it because I’m not really into cakes or pastries. (Too much sweets make me dizzy but I’m not diabetic okay!) When I learned that they also serve fresh home-cooked meals, I got excited to try it!

I had this Callos made of ox tripe, beef and chorizo cooked in olive oil and tomato sauce which tasted really good! And it was very affordable for such delectable gourmet food.

It was so good that I brought home cupcakes for my mom! Mom & Tina’s is located at 106 E. Rodriguez Jr, Avenue Ugong, Pasig City and also in Perea corner De La Rosa, Makati City

The past week had been seriously busy that I had postponed writing a blog. I know it defeats the purpose of Project 52, but I have no choice. Nonetheless, the busyness, student’s stress, and all were all worth it every after each day that I know I accomplished something and that I made somebody smile.

We’re halfway done this semester and I can’t wait for summer! First time in my university life that I’ll be enjoying a legit summer vacation for more or less 2 months! 

But before those glorious days, it’s another week of my student’s life that my patience and faith will be tested. It’s time to hold on tighter and do better. 

Here’s a rundown of random photos of this week. 

Attended the very first Student Nurses Congress in the Philippines! And I’m really glad to be a part of it! Secretly snapped a photo from the inspiring Hon. Meritt’s talk.

Every day feels amazing with my happy family, RLE 1 (with our favorite psychiatric nursing instructor)! + some random black, scary + photogenic cat. PS. I’m wearing my very first thrifted polo in my first photo!

As much as I like planning trips, going outdoor, and do spontaneous fun things under the sun, there are moments that I just want to lock myself up in my room and pretend that I’m sick and that I don’t want to be bothered. Maybe some anti-social days, listening to my tracks of Mayer Hawthorne. It’s a healthy thing to do, sometimes, it gives me time to think and relax. 

On a positive note, I finally had the time to fill the empty white wall in my room with photos! (after 2 years? I included photos of me taken by Kenneth Beltran) It feels more artsy now, and less of a geeky room because, apparently, when you enter my room, first thing you’ll notice are my bulky nursing and medical books. Maybe I’ll do a photo-tour of my room next time (as if it is big and noteworthy)

Obligatory picture! (of my new haircut)

And I’m currently reading this one. Fight Club has to be one of my favorite films and I’m just lucky to have this book for my Literature class thesis.

I was having a conversation with a good friend over blackberry messenger about what I like more, is it Christmas or New Year?

I can’t recall how our silly conversation arrived to that topic, but it got me. I answered, Christmas.

The christmasy feeling always excites every cell in me, especially that every holiday season, our family fills the dining table with a bunch of different dishes, from salty roasted ones to sweet delicacies! (I tell you, my family cooks very well! No room for dieting excuses. And my favorite part is that we eat together) I know this happens too during New Year, but I feel like the aura’s different when it’s Christmas. Another thing I like more about Christmas are the presents! Not that I’m being materialistic and superficial, but you know, when we were little kids, we equate Christmas to Santa making our wishes (may it be a material thing or not) come true. And it’s the season of sharing!

New Year, sometimes, makes me sad. I was never good at saying goodbyes. It scares me too for what another chapter may bring in my life. Endings are like those in exceptionally good films when credits start rolling, but there you are sitting in the cinema, wanting for more.

Before I dozed off at around 2am, I just had a realization that the point I told my friend was wrong. I shouldn’t be sad or scared of endings, for what a famous quote says that endings are also beginnings. Beginning may be hard and messy, but will all soon be worth it.

—-

PS. I decided to do Project 52 weeks instead since I feel like I can’t commit to taking photographs and posting photos everyday. (Blame school) And say hello to my new friend this year! I like how professional-looking moleskine planner is.

Here’s a text post to show you how much I appreciate year 2012.

Though sometimes I abandon this blog and that I completely forget that I own one, I’m really grateful that there are still people, despite my cliche stories, who are still reading it - like you, who’s reading this text post now. To tell you honestly, I always try to visit this once in a while, and try to write. But I always end up leaving it in drafts and let days pass.

I get insecure most of the time - and feel incompetent. In fact, the thought of writing and letting the world wide web see this one makes me think twice. And that I think I should try to deal with for the coming year. I really like sharing here, though some things that I share are quite personal for netizens to know, but the fact that some people are actually caring is what makes me feel comfortable sharing life stories - that I hope people would at least get something from it. Blogging has been really a great portion of my mundane daily musing, and I hope I’ve been a good part of yours as well.

The year 2012 went seriously fast. I know our feelings towards how vast it went are mutual. Countless good memories were made and I couldn’t jot it all down here because surely I’ll be needing more time to type it all (that I couldn’t afford now - hey, it’s new year’s eve!)  Terrible things also happened - really terrible ones that nearly broke my soul. But I learned it’s pretty healthy to have those down moments in life. It’s when you learn and mostly grow as a person. It keeps you grounded and makes you appreciate the good when it’s done. Sure that there are more terrible things would come in the following days, weeks, months, or years. We only need to constantly remind ourselves that there’s comfort after pains. 

As much as I would like to share how my Holiday is going so far, I think it’s quite late to blog about it. Nevertheless, it just went like how it went last year. Boring as it may seems, but I really appreciate moments like these as my family gets to spend dinner together (that rarely happens) Though we’re incomplete again since my sister is still overseas, technology helps us feel her presence. 

Here’s a photo of my nephew with my sister on Christmas day.

It’s heartbreaking to see my nephew talk to my sister through skype, how things must go for the two of them. Sacrifices. Things we do for love. Or more like things we do for life, for the future.

I’m excited tho as my sister will be having a vacation back home next year, by the end of January! I can’t wait to see her again! It’s a good welcoming month for the year 2013 and I feel like there’s a lot more to look forward to this year!

Happy 2013, everyone!

We have been extremely blessed since our new little angel came in the family, amongst all the busyness of everyone. I never imagined our family would grow into such a happy one, and that finally, I felt like I have my little siblings to guard and to guide - only that I’m their uncle.

I always wanted to be a kuya, but being born the youngest in an old family, I never experienced being called kuya. Since my first nephew joined the family, I was ecstatic of how he’s gonna look like and how he’s gonna call my name. Now he’s a 3 year old boy and looking more and more much like me! He even claims that it’s him on my baby pictures. I can’t wait to see my nephew and my niece to grow up and have a happy childhood!

Since grade school, I’ve always dreamed of doing theater. I’ve been a big fan of broadway musicals since then. Though I’m not born skilled actor / singer, I always insist to my parents that it’ll eventually come out once I try it. lol

I never see this one coming, especially in my college life. Considering that I took up nursing which is certainly far from things that I frustratingly wanted to do in my life before. I remember during my freshman year while watching some Disney themed theater play / musical of Junior students in our college, I was daydreaming that one day I’ll be up on that stage as well and be witnessed by people. Little did I know that my daydreaming would come to reality.

It has be an annual tradition of our college to do Vaudeville, and each year we do different themes. This year we had Awit at Korido and our group picked the filipino adaptation of the foreign piece Si Prinsipe Paris, Enone, at Ang Pagkasira ng Troya.

This has been one of the reasons why I’ve been really busy and coming home late and tired from school; but I’m glad that all our efforts paid off after everything. It was one of a kind experience that I will surely treasure forever! I’m grateful for all for making everything possible, from the production, props, cast. Everyone did a very great job!

Being up on that stage was a great experience and a victory already for me and I didn’t expect that I will bringing home the Best Actor award. I couldn’t be more grateful to God and to the people who believed in me. Congratulations too to our group, especially to my partner, for winning Best Actress; and to my friend, for winning Best Supporting Actress! Also to our two faculty actors for winning Faculty Best Supporting Actor / Actress. Truly a one of a kind experience! I vow that everything I learned from this experience will be used for good and will be appreciated and remembered forever.

Theater photos by Raphael Lardizabal

All photographs by Kenneth Beltran
Modeling by AG Molina, Krisha Payong, and Grace de Luna

All photographs by Kenneth Beltran
Modeling by AG Molina, Krisha Payong, and Grace de Luna

Made the most out of the remaining hours of vacation to Ellie’s Wicked Wednesday Mixtape Anniversary Party @ B-Side, The Collective in Makati last Saturday night of November 3. There were performances from Ellie’s friend(Dolor), The 500, Nights of Rizal, Zorntendo (I swear this dude and his music is the bomb), Bispants and Simlar Objects, and Alfonso. Tagged along some friends and I’m glad they enjoyed the dope music and the crowd. It’s fun to see some familiar faces, good friends, and the Stache team (always love and enjoy chatting with them especially with Jared and Mae).

It was, indeed, a fun night! Rode at the back of a pick up truck and in that moment, I swear, we were infinite. lol

Congratulations, Ellie, for a year of eargasmic mixtapes! More years to your EWWM! For kick ass music, listen to EWWM on Jam 88.3 every Wednesdays, 9pm - 12mn.

I was asked by my brother to shoot his 5 month old, little angel for her christening. I was ecstatic when he asked me to do it - like he trusted me to do this job for him! And I always wanted to shoot something like this - who wouldn’t want to shoot such cute little angel?

I just discovered first hand that the struggle in shooting kids was I always get captivated by their smile and sometimes misses the opportunity to snap it. Also, they quite get a little excited with camera and some other props that we used (well, just some pink and white blankets) I tried to make it look natural by just letting my niece roll in the bed and laugh, it’s best to photograph the most honest of moments. However, this is my first time and I’m sorry for the very amateur shots. 

This is the first set of our shoot. They went on a short vacation over the north and we plan on doing the second set by the time they get back here in Manila. So excited to shoot my adorable and photogenic niece again!

Since it’s going to be a whole new year again in the next sixty days (surprisingly fast, isn’t it?), I’m creating myself another list of things I want to accomplish before 2012 ends. I’d say that’s a good amount of time to get something significant done. Pretty much the same as what I did last year with this. Apparently, I’ve come up with more attainable goals since my November is quite plotted already with theater commitments. (that I am very glad to share soon because it’s somehow a dream come true for me)

Hello to my penmanship!

So in the next sixty days, I plan on being more involved in doing artsy things aside from just wallowing in piles of medical and nursing books and papers.

1. Frustrating photowall because I haven’t started it yet, though I already have developed some photos, but still not enough to create one.

2. Though I love George RR. Martin and his A Song of Fire and Ice series, I’m struggling with time finishing his second book, but I need to finish it! (bought the entire set months ago and it’s been sitting on the shelf, untouched, for several weeks now)

3. Also, I have this bad habit of buying books and leaving it unread for a long time. I need to have control of myself walking out of a bookstore with a book in hand. And I have to finish this all on December break! (already thinking of another vacation when this semestral break is just about to end)

4. Since I feel like it’s going to be a waste of money taking NMAT without proper preparation, I’ve decided to take it next year, April. But on December, I plan on looking for reviewers and, maybe, just maybe, start studying.

5. I miss doing photoshoots! So, might as well include this one the list.

6. I also want a new blog layout!

7. I think it’s awesome to have a pen pal overseas (esp with the technology now that makes everything so convenient and fast - but why don’t we try the good old way), and I’m thinking I could write one for you if you want to receive a letter and a photo from me! You can send me a message here (you must not be anonymous) or email me your address to (alvingregm@yahoo.com)! Let’s be friends.

8. Redecorate room. (and always keep room clean)

9. Do good on stage! Nail the performance!

10. Take more photographs and start my version of the cliché Project 365. (still clueless how, but I’ll try)

I may not get all these done again like last year. But it’s great to have set goals that are possible to happen. I’ll do my best to get at least 8 or 9/10 of this - but who knows? I may be able to do it all.