When I started this blog 4 years ago, all I ever wanted was to put my emotions into photographs and words. The “inspiring” others part was, in all honesty, never my intention. Until years later, I started receiving positive feedback from others. Perhaps this is one of the most rewarding part of being a blogger, you unconsciously inspire others even in the littlest way you possibly could. And I am very glad and grateful that people, like you, actually see that in me.

Like every other bloggers out there, some also served and serves as an inspiration to me. I actually have a long list of bookmarked blogs I visit once in a while. And I wouldn’t be ashamed to admit this, because they all have been a significant part of my life in discovering and learning things, too. 

I’m glad to know that you learn from me as well. But I, too, have so much to improve in my writing skills. There are times when I proofread my post (after few days I published it) and notice mistakes. We certainly can’t be perfect all the time, but I suggest we should never be afraid to make these mistakes.

There were times I thought of deleting this blog and move somewhere else, somewhere more private, and start a clean slate; but, I realized that this platform has served as my little training ground. Here I can see how much I have developed over the years, and how much people’s lives I have touched. And Heartfelt messages like this serve as my fuel to continue blogging here, writing, and taking photographs amidst the gap between my future profession and passion. 

I honestly don’t like publishing messages because I want things like this to be kept private. (I hope you don’t mind me posting this) But I just want you to know, and other readers of this blog, that I am very grateful for your kind words. :)

The first ever and the largest annual music festival in the Philippines, Wanderland, happened last May 18, 2013 in Globe Circuit Makati, made possible by Karpos Multmedia. Performances from local indie bands: Taken by Cars, Pulso, She’s Only Sixteen (personal favorite from all the local performances), Yolanda Moon, and Up Dharma Down; and eargasmic foreign bands: Tully On Tully, Colour Coding, Avalanche City, Nada Surf, Neon Trees (the wildest of all, the crown went extreme to their numbers), and the band that gave me so much feels, Temper Trap.

This is probably one of the best I’ve been to, and I definitely won’t miss Wanderland 2014!

Photos taken using point and shoot.

Few weeks ago, while it was smelling of summer adventures, I chose to just sit on the balcony of my grandma’s house near the beach, with a Joseph O’Connor book in hand. There are just days that one needs to take a serious pause and look back on things, and I feel lucky I had a chance to do it.

Recent events in life have taught me I’m missing out a lot of things around me. Things that have been there for a very long time but I never noticed it or, perhaps, I intended not to notice it. Simple things that one might say it’s silly for me to count it, but for some reasons that sometimes I cannot fathom, actually matters to me now. Like how I often forget to kiss my mom everyday, forgive my dad for his annoying perspective of life, spend time and get to know my cousins more, hang out with more humble crowd and friends, try things I once thought was cheap, but was actually fun and okay, and most especially to be selfless in my most special day. 

Remember about me telling you that turning twenty might feel exactly like taking a blind fold off? Well, I guess, it really happened to me.

I remember a conversation with a friend few days ago, she once told me that it’s certainly fine to be perfectly flawed and wrong because that makes me a person, a real one. I’ve been thinking about it couple of days before my birthday and I realized I wasn’t applying it in my life. Really. After twenty years, I just learned that I should stop trying to prove myself to others. I know it’s easier said than done, but I’m trying my best in the process. It feels awful to realize I was doing some things in my life only to prove my own worth, and doing some things because it’s what I need to be and what others has to see in me. I’m still happy, tho, that it’s never too late to recognize this.

I also remember on my birthday last week, I was whining (not really but I was complaining and he said I was whining) to my friend that it doesn’t feel like my birthday. For the past years, I got used to receiving a lot of calls, greetings, and surprises. I guess being away from home for the first time (not to mention the long hiatus in the interwebs) and having your birthday fall on the same day as the election would really make some friends forget your special day. (cue sad piano instrumental) I can’t blame them. Even the people around me were tied-up with election and monitoring number of votes. I guess, sometimes, you just have to give up your hopes and own happiness for others - even in your most special day, because after all, the entire solar system doesn’t revolve around you. I’m grateful, still, because my closest friends and some good friends didn’t forget, and that my uncle won the election.

Almost a month of being away from home certainly helped me in so many ways, and I’m also happy, that unexpectedly, I found a new set of friends I know I’ll be keeping in touch with for more years to come - or, possibly, forever. I can’t say I have taken the blind fold off entirely, but, in the process I’m learning a lot, and I think that’s the most important thing.

Not so long ago, a friend (apparently, who’s relatively older and not revealing their identity) told me that the whole world changes when you turn twenty. I also read in one magazine that Bill Gates dropped out of school in his 20s and started Microsoft. I know it’s kinda irrelevant, but the thoughts of turning twenty are making me cringe and excited at the same time. I can’t even begin to fathom how could that be. Not that I’m also planning to drop out of school and be a billionaire like Bill Gates (but who wouldn’t want to be a billionaire like Bill Gates?), but I see the little sense there - that when you turn twenty, everything changes. Perhaps it feels exactly like taking a blind-fold off, things start to feel more real and clearer after twenty years.

But the point is I haven’t turned twenty yet; perhaps I’ll figure that one out when I wake up on my birthday. I honestly intend to make this blog about my dilemmas, for the lack of a better term, on turning twenty, but I feel like I’m going to regret revealing all these in the end. 

On the other positive note, I’m leaving MNL on the 23rd of April until (probably) May 15 or 16. I am that excited at the thought of leaving that I started packing my stuff yesterday. What excites me more is that I’m travelling alone! I know it’s strange and scary but I really enjoy it more, sometimes, when I’m alone. I’ll be away on my birthday (my birthday is on May 13, in case you didn’t know and it’s election day. Also, in case you didn’t know, my shoe size is 8 and a half)

I’m not really sure if I’ll be able to access internet every day in my stay until May. But it’s okay. I think it’s a healthy turning-twenty start for me to be away from my comfort zone for a little while. And I’d like to think that this vacation is a great time for me to renew myself, since, apparently, I messed up in most aspect of my life. (cue sad piano instrumental) I hope you don’t stop sending me greetings, though. I can’t promise to read it and to reply on my birthday, but I’ll try my best to get back on you, friends. I like receiving letters and greetings, by the way. :D

I hope you enjoy your summer!

Because I hate starting something and not finishing it, here are some photos to make up for twelve weeks of not updating. Photos are from Leven and my ipad (some were posted in my instagram). I seriously miss my camera and I also miss taking photos in film! I need to start taking photos more.